Just...

So last time I posted I was 288 pounds and yo-yoing around there and on anti-depressants. Well things have changed.

Well - the weight hasn't really. I'm still hovering around 288. I don't think I've gone back into the 290's, but I haven't been weighed in two weeks because I've had the flu the past two weeks on my weigh in day. Like having a fever over 100 degrees kind of flu. I'm sure my fellow WW members will appreciate knowing that I chose to stay home instead of polluting the air at the meeting.

I ended winning our biggest loser club at work. But I don't actually win anything because since the administration of the club kinda disappeared before the end - we didn't really finish and so we all kinda agreed that we take the money and buy a good scale for the office so that we can all weigh in at the same time and on the same scale. No more wonky nurses office scale. Anyways - our new biggest loser club is starting tomorrow, so it's time to get back into the I can do this mind frame because if I can win once - I can certainly win again. Time to start taking this weight back off again.

I'm off the anti-depressants. This has been a mixed bag. I do think the drugs were doing something to me because I have had more moments of crying and noticeable depression to me. But I'm beginning to feel in touch with my body once again. Like yesterday - for the first time in months I cleaned my apartment for more that 3 hours. Scary that my apartment needs that much cleaning (well it actually needs a lot more than that before anyone could call it liveable again). But it was the first time I felt like I could make a dent. Now I have to admit that when I do feel low - I feel really low, but at the same time I like the fact that I know that all my feelings are coming from me and not some chemical that I've put in my body.

And last night - for the first time since Chris' funeral - I slept in my bed. I've been sleeping on the futon in my living room for awhile - so it was pretty big thing to be sleeping in my bed. It does feel weird to be sleeping in a bed without Chris by my side, but it also made my back feel a lot better.

So today I am taking a step to getting back to a healthier me and everyday I just need to take a step because eventually all these steps will add up to a mile.