Wednesday, November 10, 2010


This weekend I attended a memorial service at the grief center I used to attend.  I found out about this service from my grief counselor - who encouraged me to go if I felt like it was time to say goodbye.  Well, I'm not sure if I will ever be ready to completely say goodbye to Chris, but I had been thinking about him and moving on lately so it seemed appropriate.  I'm very glad I went.

Many people who attended the service had lost their loved ones in the last 12-15 months.  The people they lost were parents, brothers/sisters, sons/daughters, colleagues, best friends, neices/nephews.   The way that they all died ran the gamut as well.  Some deaths were sudden, others not.  But those of us there were all missing these people.

I sat next to a woman who had lost her daughter in the last 6 months.  Her pain was palpable.  I really wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her it would get easier.  This made me realized how far I have come.

Three years ago - that was me.  I didn't know what to do, other than cry and talk.  It felt weird laughing or smiling.  It was easier to talk to strangers than my friends.  I felt overwhelmed by everything and wanting nothing but what I could no longer have.  It was a sad and lonely place, even surrounded by my friends and family.

Today - I still miss him.  I think about Chris, my heart aches for a bit, and then that moment is over.  I'm more at peace with what happened - knowing that it is what it is.  And I wanted to give all those other people in that room a little bit of that peace.  I wanted to say to them, "You won't forget them, but you will learn how to get through."

Don't get me wrong - I still have issues.  But they are baby issues that I now know I can get through.

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